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But my laziness knows bounds: I try to avoid letting it creep into my writing. Hence my ongoing tirade against Copy Cop-Outs—defaults to meaningless phrases at the expense of substance. Here is a new offering of pet-peeve Copy Cop-Outs. The more writers learn to avoid them, the greater the odds they will write ads that actually say something.
“Simply the best.” Imagine the reader who says, “Wow! That’s good enough for me!” If you really think you’re better (or, if you must, best), try showing instead of telling. If you apply three coats of paint where others apply just one, say so. If you use steel where others use plastic, say so. If you make the hollandaise sauce daily from scratch instead of from a mix, say so.
“Best on the planet.” No one believes this flatulent, self-indulgent form of puffery any more than we did its equally impotent predecessor, “best in the world.” For, the question remains, how could you possibly know? Have you checked the entire planet? Do you check often to ensure a worthy challenger hasn’t arisen in a remote French-speaking village just outside Geneva when you weren’t looking?
“Our name says it all.” Really? Then why not just run your name in the ad? Some advertisers do, and prosper. But the minute you allege your name says it all, you’ve admitted it doesn’t—or you wouldn’t have had to say more.
“That’s right!” “You heard right!” Oh come on. Do you really think that, upon hearing you say that everything is twenty percent off, people throughout the market will reel and pause to wonder if they heard right?
“Combined experience.” OK, fine. But when you do the math, 50 years combined experience spread over 10 people fails to impress.
“At a price you’re going to like.” Zat so? Then why are you afraid to put the price in your ad? Withholding the price lets people assume it’s what they expect or higher. But when you withhold a price and tell people they’re going to love it, you call attention to the fact that you’ve withheld it —and no one believes you.
“Lowest price or double the difference back.” You may think I am waging war on superlatives —“simply the best,” “best on the planet,” and now, “lowest price.” So, let me set the record straight: you’re right. No one believes superlatives. As for the double-the-difference offer, sorry, but I’m not impressed. We both know that only a few anal retentive customers will return proof of the buck they could have saved in order to hit you up for two. Worse, backing up a low price claim with “double the difference” carries an unspoken, “That is, if you catch us.” A better solution: abandon the low price strategy. Unless you’re Walmart, it’s a lousy marketing position anyway.
Steve Cuno is president and curmudgeon-in-residence of Response Advertising, Inc., a full service direct response agency in the Salt Lake area. if you have a pet-peeve copy cop-out, send it to him at steve@responseadvertising.com. it might appear with your name in a future adnews.
Steve Cuno
